Most human beings are wired to be compassionate and to show empathy towards others, but it’s been psychologically proven that humans in general are also inherently selfish. We are selfish because we want to feel fulfilled, both emotionally and physically. The question is — why do we care so much about being with a woman, getting that job, accomplishing a certain goal, passing an exam, etc.? A simple answer might be that we feel emotionally and physically fulfilled when we succeed in accomplishing a task that we set out to achieve, and there is nothing wrong with this. In fact, it’s part of what makes us human. But let’s dig deeper. When over-caring becomes a NEED, it then takes over your mind emotionally, clouding your brain with incessant fears of failure. This can make even the most mundane daily tasks much more difficult to achieve.
Over-caring is never a good thing, even if you wind up accomplishing your goal. Allow me to explain – when you care too much about achieving a certain task and you wind up actually achieving it, your emotions became imbalanced because the success leads to an extreme emotional high. I’d like to share a story with you based on a past experience with the only girlfriend I ever had during my college years. This girl and I got along right off the bat, and thinking about her put me on an emotional rollercoaster full of dizzying ups and downs. This was because I cared WAY TOO MUCH about being with her, and she certainly didn’t make things easy for me. She would constantly play with my head and say certain things to be flirtatious. She became the center of my universe before I even got so much as a make-out with her. At the time, she was in the process of ending a 4 year relationship. As time went on, we continued to see each other, attraction grew, and she would call me up frequently. Everyday tasks became quite difficult for me — I couldn’t study or focus in the way I used to be able to, and I found it increasingly difficult to live in the moment when hanging out with my friends. This girl had taken over my mind and controlled my emotions and actions. When she finally admitted that she liked me, I was glowing. We never did anything physically intimate except for making out and cuddling. I’ll tell you though, I was whipped beyond belief. I cut her chicken, made her food, and comforted her by any and all means. All I feared was losing her. If she was upset, I’d do everything in my power to cheer her up. I cared WAY TOO MUCH, and it was bad…real bad. Eventually, the vibe between us started to turn sour. I’d become easily jealous, would constantly call her out on things, would freak out when she’d talk to another guy, and spend countless hours incessantly worrying about losing her. I was heartbroken when she finally broke things off with me, but I also believed that I would ultimately get her back. Because we shared the same social circle, we would continue to see each other and occasionally engage in drunken make-out sessions, which would mess with my head even more. Even though I shared limited physical intimacy with her (we never slept together), I became miserable as a result of the extreme emotional ups and downs that came with caring too much for her. Plagues with obsessive thoughts of getting her back, I became fueled by my erratic emotional state as opposed to strategic thinking. I eventually lost her, and it took time to get over her.
I’ve had other occurrences where I would be validated by a girl, get her phone #, and then become rejected and/or flaked on after nothing would happen. It was a very emotionally painful experience to care so much about why things didn’t work out with these girls, and I was bothered by the fact that I seemed unable to generate a true result. It felt like my mind was trapped in prison and I just didn’t know how to escape. I realized with some of the behavior patterns that I grew up with, were all based on the scarcity mindset. I was never abandoned by my family, but always feared that others would abandon me if I didn’t care enough. After becoming aware of these patterns, I’d decided that enough was enough. I realized I would attach too much emotion and would become fixated on achieving a certain outcome because I wanted so badly to satiate the needs of my own ego. These behavior patterns would portray eagerness, neediness, clinginess, and other gross weak male behaviors. I started achieving success the moment that I started to develop an indifferent attitude.
But how can you become indifferent when you’re just so bloody caring!? Should you simply try to abandon your goals and become indifferent altogether?? The answer is a resounding NO. Becoming indifferent means going after what you want, but WITHOUT attaching so much emotion on achieving a particular outcome. This will make it easier for you to deal with things when a certain situation doesn’t go your way. The more I got used to being rejected and flaked on, the less I cared about whether or not I would become successful with women. As I became more indifferent, I was able to progressively test my boundaries in going for women. I started to progressively gain success. Women want what they can’t have and if you show that you are constantly caring, always available, sensitive to reactions, and/or ready to please them at all times, then you have portrayed yourself to them as man who does not present any challenge whatsoever.
What I want you to take from this article is to examine and reflect on the times when you have been overly caring about a situation and what you felt like when things went your way, or when things did not go your way. Remember – with women, the key is focusing on doing what’s right from a strategic stand point while detaching the emotions of NEED.